Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Day 135 - Wednesday 15th May

Discover

It breaks my heart to make this entry but I am just discovering how hard it is to be a parent. Zoë is really playing us both up and last night she wouldn’t let us undress her to get her in the bath. She got quite vicious and was hitting me. I managed to strip her off and put her in the bath but she just went mad and I had to take her out of the bath for own safety. In the end we dressed her and sent her to bed with no milk.
Tonight she refused to get out of the car and again turned nasty hitting me. In the end I had to leave her in there and lock the doors. She moved around and set the car alarm off which upset her and when I went to get her, she wanted to come out.
I have promised her melon tonight after her bath if she is good in the bath. She hasn’t been too bad so far but was trying to hit James whilst he was watching her hair. She has got out ok without the usual fight.
I just don’t know how to react to her when she is naughty like this. Should I ignore it, should I let her get away what she doesn’t want to do or should I smack her or send her to bed. I know we have to be strong and stick by whatever punishment we give to her. I just pray that it is her trying her boundaries and nothing more serious.

10 comments:

Scrappy~Sarah said...

aww hun children are hard work....but honestly worth it...think of all the cute funny things I am sure she does....one thing I was taught when my eldest was a toddler and head banging (floors/walls etc) was to ensure he was 'safe' and ignore the unwanted/bad behaviour. When he was being good iyswim was to praise him etc then.....does this make sense....you can always pm me if needed on uk or rant on the thread....((hugs))....there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Mary B said...

Oh Claire so sorry she is reacting like this but it is only pushing boundaries to see what she can and can't do. don't give in to her but do show her she is still loved. I know it is a long while since mine were that age but I do remember this time so well.
As for advice go with what your instincts tell you, I am sure that you will not go too wrong.

Perdita said...

I do feel for you - my little boy is testing his boundaries as well, although he has moved out of the hitting phase and into the more considered argumentative phase.

I agree with the others, try not to make a big deal about the bad behaviour - she is trying to get a reaction from you. If you try not to react to her being naughty, and almost over praise when she does something good, she will hopefully soon decide to interact with in a more positive fashion.

I get through my thinking about the lovely cuddles we have when he is being good - it really sees me through.

Hang in there - it won't last forever

knitkath said...

I agree with all that has already been said, but consistency is all important! Just remember you are not alone, we have all been there! Praising good behaviour does work!

Beejay said...

Claire - it is quite normal. She is two and that's your answer. Let her know you are disappointed with her hitting you but as has been said try and just ignore the bad behaviour. Turn away as though you are not interested at all and really praise her (as Sarah says)when she does something you like.

Shirley said...

Claire I really can not add to the advice above.....the terrible two's are just that, for you and DH and Zoe.
Whilst you are living through it you find yourself wondering at times if having a child was a good idea, this is what I did during the darkest moments and then feeling guilty for doing so!
So please feel free to use us as a sounding board and hang on in there it does get better I promise you. (((Hugs)))

willowthewysp said...

Awww Hun..im really feeling for you, as i have been there and am still 'there' with Raven! It is Zoe pushing you as far as she can, she is testing you, to see how far she can push you, so dont worry..we all go through it! The most important thing that i have learnt in parenting, is to talk to your DH about punishments, and make sure you both stick to it..as long as you do this, Zoe will be fine..i promise:)

Kay said...

Claire what everyone before me has said is absolutely right. I agree totally , and the other thing that worked a treat for me was the naughty step. When something like hitting happened DD was put on the NS and told to stay there until she said sorry and what for (normally not more than 2-3 mins) She rapidly learnt it was aboring place to be and it was nicer to be praised for the good things she did.

malaryush said...

(((( hugs ))))
It is all so frustrating when you don't seem to have any positive effect on your children. All you can do is be consistent and firm.

And remember that all the work you put in now with showing Zoe that boudaries are firm will be rewarded when she is older and needs the reassurance of a solid reliable structure in her life.

Two years old really is so horrible impossible at times :(

Steph said...

Oh Claire I feel for you. Will is 3 1/2 and we have been through this and sometimes still are. I agree with the others she is pushing you - and it is B****y hard not to react.

My advice would be stick together, be consistant, If you threaten something (no milk) then follow through (even if you think you have been too harsh - My Mum told me never make idle threats, always follow thourgh)

I personally wouldn't let the hitting go. They have to know that violence is not acceptable.

We have gone down the road of saying "if you hit me again I will take away your cars" For Will threating to take away, and then taking away his toys has worked for the most part! Need to find the thing that she loves or is into at the moment

We also give him a count of 5 "Will if you do not get undressed in a count of 5 I will take away your cars 5.4.3.2.1" give him a chance to do the thing himself.

And then it is ignoring the tantrum - you can't reason with a toddler when they are in a state so there is no point trying, wait for her to calm down.

Ohh that turned it a long one! Sorry just downloaded my thoughts.