Friday, April 11, 2008

Day 102 - Friday 11th April

LUST - is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body

Right this is going to be a bit of honest journaling.
Well I have been with James for 10 years now and so we are no longer in the early stages of a romance where you cannot keep your hands off each other and your lustiness is at 110%. I think that stage passed after a couple of years.
I know I am not as intimate with him as often as he would like but this does not mean that I love him any less than the day we got married – although he seems to think this is the case. He says that I don’t want to get near him but this is untrue. I love to cuddle up with him but more often than not, this is enough for me but not for him and it does cause some friction in our relationship
I often don’t have any energy left at the end of the day and when I get to bed I am ready for sleep. I can’t really explain why I feel that I don’t want to be intimate but I think my body just does not feel the same after having had ZoĆ«. Certainly things that used to give me pleasure before don’t seem to have the same effect anymore. I have considered seeking help, but feel embarrassed, ashamed etc and not sure that I want to talk about it.

I have out this photo on as it just such a beautiful flower and I didn't have a clue as to what to photograph to interpret lust. Mind you it does look a bit phallic!!!


Lynne aka retired nana said...

Claire this is so honest, so I will be honest with you. My DH and I are the same BUT role reversal!! I am the demanding one and DH isn't interested some of the time. In fact I am beginning to think it is all connected to my weight :(

Then again for you it is a period in your lives where you have a young child a parttime job and over the years you will find things improve, I am sure!

Mary B said...

As you have been so honest I will share that this was often the case with my DH and I I would want a cuddle he would want it to go a lot further, we found the balance eventually but it took time. I hope this helps you come to terms with how you feel and not to worry that you are unusual in this.

Shirley said...

Claire I do not think you are any different to most women with a young family. I know I felt much the same when my children were young and I was exhausted.
Over time relationships change, this doesn't mean you love someone any the less. Like Mary we found a balance in our lives and once the children grow up and leave home there is a whole new set of experiences to deal with. Fun freedom and time for one another.
I think the best advice I ever had was to talk through your problems and feelings together.
It took me a while to build up courage the first time I did it over 30 years ago but it is something I have tried to do ever since.

Anonymous said...

What an honest journal :) All I can say Claire is that your not the only one! I have spoken to so many people who go through this stage in their relationship...particularly when they have young children. And boy did I go through it with each of my children. Infact I have no idea how I ended up with three....? ;)

Beejay said...

Honest journalling Claire. Just the same here too so you are not alone. It is particularly hard when you have young children and you are tired. As others have said you reach an understanding - its all part of give and take.

knitkath said...

Oh how I echo all the above words, you have so much to cope with when you have a family! Just keep up the dialogue and you will work it out between you!

willowthewysp said...

Oh Claire...this could be me speaking! I am exactly the DH thinks i have 'gone off' him, but i havnt...i just do not feel like getting intimate...i know he would like to more, and i also know that if i cuddle him, he wants more and i dont so i tend not to cuddle either!
My DH also thinks i should get help!

Steph said...

Claire - you are soooooo not alone. I think you are so brave to be so honest. So here is my 2p worth. I think the less you have something the less you want it. trouble is you can't muster the energy etc to change that!

Try writing your hubby a letter (That's what I did :)) you can say what you think/feel without being interupted or feeling embarresed by what you have to say.

I hope you work things out and please don't feel alone it how you are feeling

Kay said...

Oh thank goodness I thought I was the only one, we, as many of the others have said, have come to an easy balance now after 15 years, but we went through the same, I just thought we were the odd ones out until now.