Sunday, March 16, 2008

Day 76 - Sunday 16th March

"I like what I see when I'm looking at me, when I'm walking pass the mirror" - Mary J Blige

You are that person in the mirror, start loving that person!

I like myself as a person in terms of personality and characteristics but I am not very happy with the physical person I see in the mirror. I have never been a thin person and have always been on the plump side. When I met James 10 years ago I was a size 18 and after about 3 or 4 years went down to a size 14 whilst I was having some family problems. I have managed to stay at this size but my weight still yo yos up and down. I am probably the heaviest I have been for a while and it really it gets me down but at the same time I feel that I don’t want to stop eating yummy food. So how can I win?
Every time I put something naughty in my mouth I get the lovely rush of sugars and then the instant guilt of why have I eaten that? Then I haven’t even enjoyed it as I know I didn’t need to eat it. I look in the mirror and just see how large I look. When I am out I look at other women to see how big I look against others. I know I am not enormous but my body has changed so much since I have had ZoĆ«. I am dreading having to wear a swimsuit on holiday. James thinks I will be wearing a bikini. Not!!!
This is a photo of me at my largest but I was 6 days off giving birth. I just loved being pregnant.

4 comments:

knitkath said...

What a lovely pic! It's not the physical appearance that matters, it's you, the person!

Shirley said...

Claire your journalling is so honest and open.
But a little bit sad for someone as pretty as you :)
Love the photo :)

willowthewysp said...

Fabby photo!
I find myself comaparing my size to other women..i think it is a natural thing we all do!

Beejay said...

Great photo. Sorry you feel like that about your weight. Perhaps you could save all the naughty yummy things for 1 day a week - say as a special treat on Sundays but be good the rest of the week.
Then you can STOP feeling guilty all the time.